Dalliance
by littlebadhero
Summary: It's a wicked game of them, the back and forth, the teasing and the release. A game they always lose, but never stop playing. AU, OOC, Lemon.
1. Chapter 1

**Self-control below zero. Impatience over 9000!**

 **While I had planned to wait until I finish the whole thing for once and while my squad has advised me to wait, I have failed myself and them once again by being impatient af. Oops. Sorry.**

 **What is this, you might ask. Well, it's another short story of mine. I don't want to give away too much and let the story tell itself, but I am asking for patience from all of you once again, don't let it fool you, this is not what it seems like, especially not with one not so loved character in the picture for some time. Please stay with me and give these peeps a chance.**

 **As always, NOT BETAED!**

 **Have fun.**

* * *

 **Dalliance**

 **Summary:** It's a wicked game of them, the back and forth, the teasing and the release. A game they always lose, but never stop playing. **AU, OOC, Lemon.**

He arched his brow when he looked at his phone.

There on a 4.7 inch screen was a mocking image with its content blunt and dirty enough for him to try to shield the screen with his free hand, a flush crawling up his traitorous body. He could have sworn that all eyes were on him, knowing well what he was trying to hide desperately, shaking their heads at him with a disgusted expression on their faces, in their minds calling him names, _son of a bitch, motherfucker, asshole_. Under normal circumstances he would have laughed at them, calling them prudes and stuck up snobs, not giving a fuck about other people's opinion, maybe even proudly showing off the content of his newest text, bragging with it like the dipshit he was, but these were no normal circumstances.

His gray eyes bugged when he dared to take another look, a silent curse leaving his mouth as he covered his phone with his hand, internally counting to ten before he dared another look, this time even bothering taking in all of the picture and not just the most important details of it. He had to confess that the lighting was surprisingly good for a selfie – it had to be one since he could see one arm leading from the person's shoulder to the edge of the picture -, the shadows created by the room's light itself not disturbing the view which was accurately planned for his eyes to see. He wondered if he should be thankful for the thoughtfulness and appreciate the professionalism of it, not many people could take a picture like this without looking ruffled and being a victim of the harsh reality that was most phone's front camera.

Something zinged in his ears, a harsh, high-pitched sound nearly deafening him. Weirdly enough it was a noise only he could hear, its origins somewhere in his mind, lost between memories and fantasies. He clenched his jaw, gulped down hardly as the noise vanished slowly, leaving numbing silence, his bones like jelly, his guts bubbling with anxiety, the weirdest feelings caused by a simple selfie.

He wasn't the most emotional man on earth, his feelings never breaking out of his impassive shell. His thoughts touched the ears of others only when he felt like sharing his piece of mind, his feelings on the contrary were the only words he never spoke, no man's ear had actually heard them without him having a hidden agenda. In his own way he used his feelings to manipulate the people around him, especially if said people were so eager to her him speak of his emotions. It wasn't his fault if people voluntarily gave in to their weaknesses, it was his right to make use of them.

The picture was mocking him, he decided. It was a tasteless joke, something cruel and rude, a low blow if he had to be honest, but no matter how rude and tasteless it was, it was also one of the few things which made him want to speak more than his thoughts out loud.

He hated it for making him weak, he hated it for making him react to it _with feelings_.

The first thing he had felt was surprise, the picture only blurry at first glance, his mind comprehending the image in front of his eyes, the nerves inside him buzzing as they carried the information his eyes gathered to his brain, the picture becoming clearer with each passing second before he finally understood what he was looking at. His eyebrows had reached his forehead, his mouth parting as he let out a tiny gasp, the skin on his cheek and his neck flushing. The surprise had ended with him cursing silently.

The second thing he felt was embarrassment, which was another surprise since he hadn't felt embarrassed in a long time. He was surrounded by too many people for a picture like this, the content of it making him paranoid as he felt all eyes watching him, judging him, shaking heads at him with displeased expressions. He guts clenched uncomfortably as he squirmed in his seat, shielding his phone from anyone too close around him.

When the embarrassment made room for the confusion, he was sure that everyone around him could read him like an open book by the look on his face, another curse lingering in the air as he pushed the word through his pinched lips. He tilted his head to one side, squeezing his eyes as he wondered what possible reasons the sender of this troublesome picture could have to send it to him, said persons humor questionable if this was a poor excuse of a joke.

Rage filled his body, making it tremble with hard waves hitting him over and over again, as the content of the rude text mocked him, a clear voice giggling in the far back corners of his mind, a place he kept all the memories he would rather forget completely. He certainly was no man of idiotic jokes like this one, the thought that somebody took him for mundane enough to laugh at pranks like this was insulting.

The most ugliest emotion, the most deadliest one, the one that was the root of every problem, the unspeakable, the most despised one of them all spread in him with thick waves of green mud, biting his intestines, his nerves and every single one of his cells as it crawled up from his toes to his head, leaving a bad taste in his mouth and an angry voice in his head, his whole immune system crumbling underneath the heavy strokes of the most dangerous feeling humankind was capable of.

 _Jealousy._

He clenched his jaw as the jealousy raved inside him, clouding his mind with irresponsibility, all of his muscles tensing underneath the weight of his emotions. If he hadn't been in public, if he had been in the safety of his own apartment, he would have thrown his phone against the closest wall, cursing loudly over and over again, his fists hitting whatever they could find, a few inanimate objects breaking in the process.

That was the problem with suppressing emotions. When they finally got out, they usually left a big mess.

He was certain that tonight's suppressed emotions would leave the biggest mess he had ever seen, the strange reactions caused by what his eyes were looking at dangerous like a force of nature, a consuming tsunami wiping out civilizations, a burning volcano leaving back only ashes of what was before, a thunderstorm ramping and raging over the helpless souls. Everything about him was intense, too intense, his feelings a unyielding storm inside him. In a way he was doing the people around him a favor by keeping them to himself, the few people who had actually seen a piece of his soul, _the real one, the one he didn't use for manipulating others,_ had been afraid of its strength, their instincts kicking in as they left one by one, searching safety in places far away from him.

He couldn't blame them, wishing that he could leave this abnormal, irresponsible concept of emotions behind him. Whenever he fell for the trap of human nature's biggest weakness he shuddered with disgust, his so loved control slipping away from his hands as he watched his world crumble underneath the heavy weight of illogical emotions, their reasons sometimes discursive even though his own body gave those reactions. One would think he should know why his body did what it did, but that was the problem with emotions, _often times we didn't know how to explain our own._

He hated being left in the dark, wanting to know everything, its reasons or its roots, but emotions didn't necessarily need to have those, only their effects comprehensible to him, broken objects often time the indicators of his anger, his spare tears giving away the sadness he felt from time to time, and his heart raging whenever he was full of hate.

It was a mirror to his soul, something so precious, so fragile, a weakness through and through, something too powerful to be trusted, especially when he couldn't even control it himself.

Yet here he was, bound to the disgusting reactions his body gave to the content of his latest text, God himself punishing him it seemed.

Naked skin stretched over lean limbs, feminine curves, bouncy tits with pinkish, hardened nipples, a soft layer of hair cut into a thin trim between her legs were her folds were wet with arousal, her labia warm and soft, her tight cunt begging to be fucked as she was on her knees, an azure blue, square pillow underneath her so she wouldn't get a rug burn. One of her arms lead from her shoulder to the edge of the picture, she was holding the phone obviously, the other hand was wrapped around a hard cock with its veins thick and pulsing underneath the skin, her blue eyes popped open, shining at him through the screen of his phone, mocking him, daring him even like the silly girl she was, her brown waves cascading down her head to her shoulders, hair meant to be tugged while she was fucked, her plump lips wrapped around the cock in front of her, her mouth smeared with pre cum, the outline of the dick's head visible underneath her reddened cheek.

He might not be a master of his own world of emotions, but he was no fool when it came to read other people.

The disobedience in her eyes was crystal clear, so obvious and harsh like the edge of a sword cutting through human flesh, the mocking hurting his pride, the daring look infuriating him and making him feel like a rejected child, a temper tantrum raging inside him while his outer self remained surprisingly calm, an impassive expression on his face, something he only managed with all the control he could find in his traitorous body.

It didn't take him too long to figure out what she had tried to reach with this selfie, the content of it speaking volumes about her activities with the dick in her mouth.

This was an act of showing off, bragging maybe, not a joke to make him laugh, this was a call for a reaction, any kind of reaction.

 _She was begging for it._

"Is everything alright?" The girl sitting across from him asked suddenly, her British accent alluring as always, making him look up from the text he had interrupted their conversation for.

He smiled at her, his charming smile, infamous for dropping panties, but this time it didn't reach his eyes, something she didn't miss.

"Yes, just a silly text. A tasteless prank." He lied professionally, turning off his phone with an angry push on its keylock before he put it back inside the pocket of his jacket hanging on the back of the chair he was sitting in. He felt how his phone buzzed, cursing internally as his curiosity ran riot, dying to see what she had send now. Since he didn't know how he would react if she had send him another tasteless selfie, he didn't risk it, trying to ignore the pestering ache to reach for his phone.

"I'm sorry for the interruption. If I had known that it was just an annoying friend of mine, I wouldn't have bothered to look at it. Where were we?" He smiled, taking no prisoners as he tried to dazzle her with everything he had, the blush on her cheeks giving her away before she spoke.

"I was just saying that I was surprised that you called. You know, after last time I thought that you weren't interested in _this_." She said with an awkward chuckle, waving around between them where their halfway finished meals were placed on the small, square table they were sitting at, an orange table cloth and three different colored candles decorating it. She tried to play it cool, tried to look unbothered, but her eyes gave everything away, her nervousness mirrored in the mossy green irides of hers, a frantic expression crossing her face as she waited for a reaction from him.

The Mexican restaurant she had suggested had been a spontaneous idea, she had been too shocked when he called to consider her words, saying the first thing that came to her mind as she listened to his apologies, his words meant to wrap her in a soft, velvety web of promises, her heart skipping beats as she flushed. He had been the last person she had expected to hear from, their last meeting lying three months in the past at the Christmas party of his office, something she had accompanied her roommate to rather reluctantly, but her night had definitely turned interesting when she had met the handsome, tall man sitting across from her, his gray eyes mesmerizing, his words charming. Flirting, drinks and the stifling sadness caused by her inability to visit her parents at Christmas had clouded her mind, his presence soothing the pain of what had been going on in her life, his laughs causing hers, his touches – gentle and subtle, brushing away a strand of blonde hair away from her face as he told her about his dissertation he was working on, his fingers touching hers when he handed her a new drink, his hand at the small of her back when he lead her, subtle, but oh so present – numbing her bones, making the muscles in her groin ache with lust. It hadn't surprised her one bit when she had agreed to go back to his place after the party, she had never shied away from a one night stand before and she certainly wasn't going to reject a guy like him – witty, sexy and more mature than any guy she had been with before.

Their night together had been magnificent, his arousal knew no end as he fucked her from orgasm to orgasm, her body melting underneath his as he flipped and turned her like a rag doll, his whispered dirty words encouraging her for another orgasm before the current one's effects had left her body, in the end she had fallen asleep with her body tired, her nerves tingling with the satisfaction of the orgasms he had given her, a stupid smile on her face as her mind drifted away. He had been very rough with her, tugging her hair, biting her nipples hard enough to make her squeal, before he released them to continue his torture with kisses and sucking, a buzzing mix of pain and pleasure making her toes curl, his love bites covering her neck and the sensitive skin around her breasts, his eyes darkening when the look of the marks he had left went to his head.

Possession and marking his territory spurred him, making him hornier and hornier the more he looked at the marks he left, his voice rough as he demanded her to tell him whom she belonged to over and over again, spanking her butt whenever he wasn't pleased with her answer, expecting her to scream out his name instead of the hushed whispers she thought would be enough to please him. He had utterly used her body, making her go to the limits of her capabilities, her body humming with fear as she thought he would demand something she wouldn't be able to do, but he never crossed her limits, simply enjoying the look of sudden fear in her green eyes, before he stepped away from the invisible line of her limits.

Afterward she had been sure that it had been what had tired her the most, the dangling over the edge of her limits, the fear of him to cross any lines, the sudden feeling of euphoria when he stopped fucking with her mind, only to repeat the process over and over again, all night long.

It had been too good, she should have known, he had been too charming, too demanding, too intense, the sex far too good, the illusion he gave her far too spotless. She shouldn't have been surprised when she found him missing the next morning, her body still aching from last night's activities, a single note scribbled on a piece of paper beside her on the empty pillow where he had been lying hours before, his written words clear.

 _I had to leave for work. Sorry._

No phone number left, no _see you soon_ , no _leave your phone number so I can call you_ , no _that was nice_ , nothing. Get out and leave, the message was clear, he wasn't asking for another night, he was simply not interested.

In her idiotic heart broken state, she had been dumb enough to write her phone number down and put it on his kitchen counter before she had left his place, cursing herself for her stupidity as she took a cab, asking herself why the fuck she had given him her number, he was obviously not interested. It wasn't her style to be emotionally attached to a one night stand, she had dozens of them, but he hadn't been like the other guys, everything that should make her want to stay away from him – his intensity, his kinky problems with possession, his well thought lies -, all these things made her want him more.

Christian Grey left his mark on whoever he touched, their souls branded with him.

When her phone had rung with an unknown number on its display last Monday, she had been at work, a frown crossing her face as she had wondered who was calling her, the phone nearly slipping from her hands when she heard his voice. He hadn't been on her minds in the last two months, she had pouted the first month after their one night stand, only to decide to turn her sadness into anger so she could fume over him, instead of pouting like a silly girl. Her anger had vanished when she heard his voice, though.

"Hello, Elena." He had said with a sigh, the noises caused by the crowd he was in audible in the background, just like cars and buses, he had obviously been walking down the street while he talked to her.

She hadn't need for him to say his name, recognizing him by his voice immediately, but for the sake of her dignity, she had pretended not to know him for a second, failing as she tried to be nonchalant.

"It's me, Christian Grey." He had said, chuckling lightly into the phone, oblivious to the flush that spread on her face.

"Ah, yes. Christian. I remember." Elena had said, feigning confident while her heart beat rapidly in her chest, the memories of their night together back with the force of a wrecking ball, nearly knocking her off her socks. She had cursed herself, her bones weakening when his voice her ears.

"I'm happy that you do. I know this call comes three months too late, and I would understand if you don't want to listen to me, I don't deserve anything else honestly, but if there is a small chance, I would love to talk to you. Please."

 _Bang. Headshot._ Hearing him plead was intoxicating, his tone tiny bit weepy, full of hope, full of promises and potential, potential for a future together, her hormones going crazy inside her as she went on a mental journey, drawing the perfect picture of a perfect relationship with him, a one night stand turning into marriage with kids, a pretty house and even a dog which they could name a silly name like Rex or Spock, maybe even Snooby, she wasn't even a dog person, but with him she would love to have one. It shouldn't have been that easy, but hearing his voice, hearing her own thoughts about their potential future together, and hearing the tiny whisper in her heart which told her to go for it, hearing the ghost of a hopeless romantic in her head had been enough to listen to him, listen to him apologizing for his behavior from last time, _it was rude to leave you like that, I should have treated you the way you deserve it like a lady, I should have made you breakfast, I shouldn't have run away._

 _Forgive me._

 _I was a fool._

 _I was too scared of my own emotions._

She had wondered which part of what he said was the truth, even his lies sweet and alluring enough for her to forget the lesson she had learned last time, _don't fall for his trap._ Life was too short, she had decided, too short to run away like he had done, even if she got her heart broken in the process, she was willing to risk it.

They had agreed on going out on Saturday night, she had proposed the Mexican restaurant her friend had told her about, he hadn't objected, saying that he was happy to see her wherever she wanted to go, making her swoon again. He had picked her up dutifully and punctually, one look at him waiting at her door dressed in a nice, white shirt, his dark copper hair stylishly chaotic, his smile dazzling, and _whoosh,_ she was falling for him again, the past memories of him forgotten, their date a new chance for them.

Their night had been surprisingly nice, the small talk not awkward like she had expected it to be, the chemistry between them buzzing once again, both of them pleased with each other. Even the food had turned out nice, her friend's suggestion a lucky one, the drinks coming and going as they had chatted about this and that, her childhood in London, his childhood in Seattle where he was born and raised, their work, his love for classical music, and everything else they felt like talking about, not daring to address the elephant in the room, even though both of them knew that they would eventually have to talk about it. She had wondered why he was beating around the bush, her first expression of him being bluntly honest which was why she had expected him to bring up the topic himself, but he had shied away from it somehow, making her take the reins herself.

Just when she had finally dared to ask him about his sudden mood change, his phone had buzzed, interrupting them as he had excused himself to take a look, his smile vanishing when he starred at the text he had gotten.

The mood he had been in was officially gone she noticed, whatever he had gotten must have been rather surprising news. For a second her heart skipped a beat when she wondered if this was the cliché and infamous _I have to go because of an emergency_ phone call / text, her guts clenching with fear since the night had been fun, at least for her, she hadn't given him a reason to run away again, had she?

Thank God, it wasn't anything like that at all, he assured her that it had been just a silly text, a prank he called it, nothing important enough to interrupt their date, trying to sound as convincing as possible, even though his eyes darkened with something strange in them, something she couldn't really name, but she decided to ignore it for the sake of tonight, going on with her words.

"I was just wondering why you left last time. I had thought we had a nice night, at least it was nice for me." Elena mumbled shyly, her fingers playing with the fork on her plate as she dipped her head with flushed cheeks.

 _Nice_ , he mused with an impassive face as he suppressed the need to laugh. It wasn't a word he would have chosen for their first and last night together, at least not to describe his performance, he would have chosen something like extraordinary, or life-changing, or out of this world and all the other worlds, his confidence not lacking of volume – just like another part of his body -, but if it pleased her, he would allow her the ill-fitting word just because he was _nice_.

The smile that tugged at his perfectly sculptured lips not stoppable, humor glistening in his gray eyes, scaring off the darkness which had made her shiver and squirm in her seat.

His voice was soothing as he spoke, naive hope rising in her chest.

"That night with you meant so much to me, Elena. It was so precious and fragile that I got scared to ruin it with being my usual self." Christian murmured, shaking his head with pity crossing his handsome face.

She looked at him as if he had grown another head, his answer the last thing she had expected to hear from him, men usually opting for cliché answers like _I had to leave for work, that's why I left you only a short note, I even forgot to ask you for your number,_ and so on. The lies were endless, losing quality with time but Elena being Elena fell for it each time. This time was no different, only that she knew that he was just being more creative with his excuses than the guys before him, but even his lies were wrapping her in a soft cocoon of lies, a cozy spot where her muscles numbed, her bones jelly, her heart fluttering like an impatient bird's wings.

"I thought that it was only a one night stand, one of many, for you." Elena said with a shaky voice, gasping as he arched an eyebrow at her, looking insulted.

"I didn't mean to say that you are, um." She stuttered, her body heating with embarrassment. "Sorry. I just assumed that you have lots of one night stands because you look so good."

 _Ugh._

She wished somebody would sew her lips so she could stop talking, her brain to mouth filter broken once again, the words blustering out of her like an angry flood. Her body tensed as she saw a displeased line curl his lips, the fear of having insulted him shortening her breaths.

"It saddens me that you think that." He said with a shook of his head, narrowing his eyes at her as he reached for his glass of beer, enjoying a long sip as she squirmed in her seat with her green eyes frantic, her teeth biting her lip.

"I don't understand why you would think that of me just because we had a nice night together. Have I given you a reason to assume I am whoring around?" Christian asked with both of his eyebrows raised, his jaw clenched as he spoke, watching her as if she was a petulant child.

She felt small underneath his stare, another flood of excuses coming out of her mouth, the last thing she had wanted was to insult him out of all people, their date had started so good, but here she was ruining it as always, her stupid mouth always in the way of her happiness, her last boyfriend having left her because she had outed his bisexuality to his parents in one of her infamous no filter moments.

"I didn't want to say that you whore around." She whispered horrified at the thought, nervously looking around the busy room they were sitting in, other customers happily munching their delicious food, waiters serving drinks and meals with happy smiles plastered on their faces.

"The thing is, I rarely have one night stands because I think of them as waste of my time. I never understood the appeal of meeting a stranger and fucking them before we part ways because if I decide that you are worth my time, I usually expect to see you more than one night." Christian went on, his tone lecturing, as he dipped a nacho into the cheese sauce he had ordered. She hadn't tried it, being lactose-intolerant, but he had sworn that it tasted delicious.

"But you left." Elena blurted, making him stop his hand mid-air as he was raising yet another to his mouth, his eyes accusing. She was quick to notice that he hated being interrupted, lesson learned.

"Meeting you was catching fresh air in a room full of heavy, gray smoke, so I broke my own rules that night by taking you home with me. Our night together was nice, as you have said, it was nice enough to make me wonder about more, more with you in particularly. But yes, I left because I was scared of a rejection since I didn't know if you would want more with me. After all it could have been just a one night thing for you. Of course, now I know that I was a total idiot, I should have asked you out back then, instead of wondering about your answer or possible rejection for three months. What can I say? You kinda took me off guard with... everything."

Just when he ended his speech with a shy shrug, his phone buzzed in his pocket, vibrating against the wood of his chair, but he felt it right through his bones to the very core of his body, the memory of the selfie he had gotten back with the force of a blizzard, freezing his senses and nerves, tying his tongue for a quick second.

It shouldn't have surprised him, her texts were always accurately planned, always hitting the nail on the head, always punctually ruining a moment in his life. She was shadowing over his life like a ghost from another century, hunting the people around him as well, her presence overbearing, intoxicating, deadly. More than once he had wondered if she had magical powers, if she was a witch, an evil one who shattered the lives of others wherever she went, his being her favorite to fuck with.

 _She does it so well, though._

Elena was too busy with swooning over his words, she missed the change of his mood, his eyes darkening again as his lips pressed into a thin line.

"Christian, there was no need to feel insecure." She said with a happy smile making her face glow. "A simple talk would have saved us the past three months."

His phone buzzed again, another time following seconds after, making his skin prickle with anxiety, the need to take a look unyielding, but he resisted it, trying really hard to give his attention to the girl sitting across from him, concentrating on her pretty face.

Blondes had never been his type, too shiny, too yellowish, something just felt off about blonde hair. He had never bothered to look for a real reason since he didn't have to explain himself or his tastes to anyone, opting for brunettes or redheads in his past, the later only if she wasn't too pale like a freaking ghost, but it wasn't like he had forgone blondes completely. Here and there, he had shared his bed with one, sometimes out of boredom, sometimes because of impatience, sometimes just out of curiosity caused by the woman herself.

Elena Lincoln had been one of those women who had awakened his curiosity, her feigned confidence making him wonder what she was hiding underneath her walls which had been surprisingly easy to take down, to be honest. It hadn't taken him long to make her willing, his charm taking no prisoners as he had talked, his mind wandering off to places where he fucked her insecurity and desperation out of her, making her his little pet project. He had failed unfortunately, her shyness still present even while she was taking his dick up her ass, she had wanted to cuddle afterward, feeling ashamed of what they had done obviously, making him frown with distaste as she gave reasons after reasons to lose interest in her. He wondered how someone who had let him teabag her could feel ashamed about it afterward, she should be confident about her choices or don't make them at all.

He had left her the next morning in his own apartment, wishing they had gone to her place instead so he wouldn't have to leave her at his own place, but it had been too late for regrets, the last thing he had wanted was her getting stupid ideas of having breakfast together – he was a bagel and coffee guy, he couldn't remember having breakfast at his place before, he wasn't even sure if he had enough ingredients for a breakfast meal – or getting her hopes up for another round of sex, her shyness a huge turn off. The courtesy to leave a note had been mandatory, he had owed her that much, but the words on the little piece of paper he had left clear enough for her to understand, _get out of here,_ the memory of her fading the closer he got to work, his mind full of all the papers he had yet to grade, Elena Lincoln becoming one of many faces in his spectrum of people.

It had surprised him when he had called her out of all the people. She had neither been interesting enough to keep around for a longer amount of time, nor had she been sexually fitting, but his fingers had automatically typed her number as soon as he found the piece of paper she had written it on somewhere in between old thumb drives, bills and pens. He had thought that it surely had to have a meaning, her number not thrown away like he would have done normally, somewhere up in the sky, God must have written a fate for them.

Just like her, he had wondered why he had called her, the sudden need for human contact maybe, or his blue balls which were desperate for a release and even though she had been shy and ashamed, she had at least done whatever he had wanted to do, not safe wording or declining him a wish. It had been an impulsive decision, he was aware, a decision with consequences even, but he didn't bother to look for reasons, he was a free man, he could do whatever he wanted – Elena Lincoln included.

Cracking her shell had been easy once again, her desperation reeking out of every pore of her wanton body as he fed her lies after lies, feigning insecurity, feigning hope for more, while he only wanted to have another night with her, a warm body in his otherwise empty bed and a tight pussy to bury his dick inside.

His plan had been going well, his victory making him cocky as he flirted with the blonde woman across from him, making her fall for his trap once again. He was going to fuck her again, maybe harder than last time so he could scare her away, but this time at her place so he could leave the next morning without worrying about a potential revenge act on his apartment.

 _If only he hadn't seen the content of his latest text._

Now his mind was full of loud, booming voices, soft giggling, angry cries, hushed whispers, dirty words, moans of pleasures, and questions, so many questions. It was unbearable, too loud, too hushed, too much inside his otherwise calm mind, his traitorous body reacting to his thoughts, his heart rapidly throbbing in his chest as his muscles tensed with surprise, embarrassment, confusion, rage and fucking jealousy, everything caused by a stupid selfie send from a stupid girl because of stupid reasons.

He hated this, he hated it with passion, he hated the lack of control he had over his emotions, he hated to feel crowded within his own head, he hated feeling helpless, his hands tied as the need to bite someone's head of grew with every passing second, the texts he was trying to ignore making his phone buzz again and again, testing his patience as the events around him slowed down, Elena's mouth moving as she spoke but her words didn't touch his ears, the people around him living their own lives and making him want to scream, _hey, don't you see what is going on?_

Glasses chinked, forks touched the surface of porcelain plates, the unattractive sounds of people chewing lingering in the air, soft music came out of the speakers, the heavy smells of spices and meals of Mexico gently penetrating his nostrils, the tiny hairs on his neck tickling his sensitive skin as his heart pounded with impatience sitting tight on his bones, a whirl of events not registered by his brain, life loosing importance, moments shattering in front of him, a frustrating puzzle impossible to solve, Elena talked and talked, oblivious to what he was thinking and worse, _feeling._

 _She was begging for it._

"Excuse me for a moment." Christian sprang to his feet, nearly knocking off his chair as he grabbed his jacket from the back of it, not giving a surprised looking a chance to ask where he was going before he made his way to the restrooms, his blood pulsing in his ears.

With a bewildered expression on his otherwise impassive face he bursted into the men's room, a look into the mirror making him grimace as he saw the mess he was turning into. A cold splash of water hit his face as he tried to wash away _these feelings,_ a pathetic try he knew, but there was nothing else he could have done, he at least wanted to try something, anything at this point.

The voices in his head didn't shut up when he was in the restrooms, only the noises of his surrounding fading away, but he was even thankful for that, crowded places not his favorite spot in times like this, times in which he felt like control was slipping between his fingers the harder he tried to hold onto it, his desperation making him lose in the end.

He cursed, raged, and cursed again in the privacy of a cabin, kicking the porcelain bowl over and over again, not caring about other people or his date, his life even, not while he was cornered once again, something he detested like nothing else. He had never wanted to get into this situation, he wished he could have prevented it years ago, being young and dumb back then, dumb enough not to care about consequences, young enough to be a naive fool, but he was neither of those things now.

Now he was just a helpless fool, his hands tied with invisible ropes, a powerful hand tight around his throat as he lost more and more of himself with each breakdown.

Everything caused by some selfie and texts.

 **Do you miss me?**

 **\- A**

 **I miss your dick.**

 **\- A**

 **Do you like the picture?**

 **\- A**

 **Fuck me. Use me. Love me.**

 **\- A**

 _She was begging for it._

* * *

 **To be continued, obviously.**

 **Leave your thoughts, your love, maybe hate, whatever you feel like leaving as long as it is in a mature tone.**

 **Until next time,**

 **melii xoxo**


	2. Chapter 2

**Nearly a year later. Oops.**

 **Go read part one again to freshen up your memory.**

 **Have fun.**

 **NOT BETAED!**

* * *

 **Dalliance**

...

When he left the restrooms, his emotions were locked inside a vault deep inside the farthest corner of his being, the key to it thrown away so nobody could find it again, the things he hid better locked up than raging alive and unyielding.

Christian was a master of hiding, keeping pieces of himself locked inside his own chest for what he would call the greater good, not trusting the vague and unstable reactions his traitorous body gave from time to time if somebody managed to really grind his gears, something not a lot of people could say about themselves. He couldn't stop being in awe with those, though, since he was a tough nut to crack, hiding something rotten and reeking inside him, like flowers all emotions died when the sun didn't kiss their fragile petals.

For him those weaknesses were better dead than alive, he hated it whenever they resurrected, their presence making the controlled, strategically planned peace of his life crumble, messing with his mind, leaving him weak and vulnerable, something he had no intentions to be ever again. He had opened the vaults of his heart once, what good had that done, he still kept asking himself, a frosty expression shadowing his handsome face, the things he had lost because of his own stupidity in the past had taught him many lessons.

There is a reason why God put humans' hearts inside a prison made out of flesh and bones, a physical and metaphorical prison. If you don't put chains on your own heart, you will become its prisoner.

The words had been whispered into his ear over and over again, the soft flesh of lips touching his skin, making him shiver as he felt numbing, silky webs wrap around his bones, his muscles, tying his breath, tying his mind as he felt like he was falling, falling, and falling more and more into a bottomless pit, his body aching for firm ground underneath him, his mind dazed as he smiled into the darkness surrounding him, oddly satisfied with himself. Soft giggles like a lullaby kissing his ears, hands groping him, creamy skin underneath his own hands, full curves, feminine touch, flowery smell, his mind intoxicated, his oh so loved logic having left the building a long time ago.

He had let go off everything tying him to this world, to any world, cutting the ties with the people surrounding him, freeing himself from his invisible chains, thinking that the euphoria would stay until the end of time, only to be awakened by the harsh reality as he hit rock bottom one day, the soft giggles gone, the feminine touch dearly missed by him, the smell of flowers only a fainted memory in his clouded mind. What was left had been a miserable human being, a secret addict of freedom even though he had always feared it, freedom only worth his time with the soft giggles, the flowers, the touch. His life had been shattered into a million of pieces, the sharp edges of those cutting his skin, blood streaming down in thick, dark waves, his will to live literally drained out of him, the walls of each room falling down on him, crushing him, suffocating him as he tried to catch fresh air for breathing, his lungs burning, his emotions on the run, finally free from their captivity.

He had lost the war against them, their victory like a thunder, loud, booming, merciless, soon enough making him a prisoner of themselves, everything around him crumbling underneath his touch the more he had tried to fight against it, the soft giggles now only a whisper, the thought of forgetting their sound frightening him, the flowery smell long gone, he hadn't found something even remotely close to it anywhere else, the touch now only a memory, a fantasy, and the control had slipped through his shaking hands.

The loss of control had been what had saved him, ironically.

He had built up his new world from garbage and dust, setting an unyielding foundation strong enough to endure another vicious attack like that, building up trust in himself and in others, remedying his mistakes and failures, winning the hearts of people around him, their love needed even if he never showed his own feelings, a promise to himself on his lips.

 _I am never going to lose control again._

His chest tightened, his heart skipping beats, as he thought of losing control again, something that would free his traitorous heart, the thought frightening him like nothing else before, his control the only piece of wood he had to hold onto in a dangerous, deep and merciless ocean which's waves were tugging at his body to drown him underneath the salty sea, a brunette siren with eyes deeper than any existing sea tugging at his legs as he tried to swim away desperately, the salt burning his lungs as he gulped water and the mad laughter of his beautiful killer scratching his sensitive ears.

It wasn't a feeling he particularly enjoyed, shaking his head with a reassuring mantra in his head, you have control, you have control, you have control.

Christian was a master of suppressing anything close to emotions, the embarrassing outburst in the restrooms only a onetime slip, nothing that would happen again, but emotions were a dangerous thing, especially the ones caused by the stupid selfies of some equally stupid girl, her words taunting, her actions daring, her weird humor obviously finding entertainment in torturing him as if he was her little play toy to do as she pleased.

 _Foolish. As always._

 _She should know that I set the rules._

"Is everything alright?" Elena asked with a worried voice when he returned to their table, throwing his jacket over the back of his chair, the phone in his pocket tugging at the chains around his heart. She didn't miss the shadow in his eyes, surprisingly observant, something he noted with contentment, having not expected her to have any valuable qualities, but not enjoying her reading him nonetheless.

"Why wouldn't it be?" Christian asked with one cocked brow, a displeased line plastered on his lips as she squirmed underneath his eyes, once again feeling stupid and brazen.

"Ah, no, I was just worried because you kept your time, you know." She giggled softly, nervously playing with one strand of hair, her hopes that making jokes would melt his frosty stare crushing as soon as he opened his pinched lips with a scolding tone.

"I got an important phone call, if you really have to know. Something about work and I certainly couldn't miss it. Or did you expect me to inform you about my plans first?" He snapped, elegant as he sat down, making her wonder how his voice could be full of venom while his moves were graceful.

"That's not what I meant." Elena hushed, her heart tightening painfully as she feared having hurt him, offended him even, enough for him to run away once again, this time no phone call coming from him after three months. She knew if she lost him tonight, she wasn't going to see him again, deciding to make it count by gathering every bit of bravery she had from the depths of her soul.

"I was just worried. I thought, maybe, you had left again and I am really enjoying tonight, so..."

"We already have established that, whatever this is, it's nice, haven't we? If I had wanted to go, I would certainly not run away like a coward. Trust me, you would know if I had lost interest in you."

It felt like a slap across her pale face, the charming and flirting of earlier gone, the honesty, brutal in its way, that she had found so fascinating on the first night they had met, now showing its ugly side when it was directed toward her.

She tried to wet her dry throat with a sip of her drink, her confidence shrinking to the size of a bean, something he ignored even though it was visible on her face. He blandly munched on a nacho dripping with cheese sauce, his gray eyes staring a hole into hers as he shamelessly didn't look away, the heat rising to Elena's face as she felt uncomfortable underneath the stare she otherwise would have appreciated so much, the way he chewed not annoying, she would even dare to say that his jaw movement was somewhat fascinating, cursing herself for being in awe with a jaw, but Christian Grey was a supernatural force, _you couldn't just stop admiring every aspect of him, even if you had made you feel like shit seconds ago._

She wondered where her pride was, she certainly shouldn't allow her date to be impolite toward her, especially while she was trying hard not to piss him off, going far enough to apple-polish at any given opportunity, she should demand the respect she deserved, tell him to fuck off and strut away with her chin high, her heart broken maybe, but her dignity intact. She should have done all of that, she knew it, he knew it, and she was sure that anybody listening to their conversation knew it, too, but yet she stayed put, like the desperate failure that she was, something that made her more and more disgusting the longer he looked at her.

Christian's insides were twitching and turning as he allowed himself to feel the obvious disappointment rising in him, something Elena's inability to stand up to him caused, he wondered if she would ever be brave enough to show backbone in her life, not just toward him, toward everyone who treated her like shit or if she had ever been brave enough to face her real monsters, the ones which had actually caused her incompetency to defend herself against any injustice, and, knowing a little about monsters himself, he was sure that she only could break free of the prison she was idiotically living in when and if she decided to stand up to the one person she could call her monster.

 _We all had monsters in our lives, some undisguised, blunt and brave, some like a wolf in sheep clothes._

Elena was a pathetic excuse of a human being, God knew why he had even bothered giving her more time than she actually deserved.

"I wonder if you will ever learn." Christian muttered, jaw clenched as he leaned back in his seat, one elbow rested on the arm of his chair, the tip of his index finger steadily brushing over the nail of his thumb.

"If I will ever learn what?" She asked with a nervous giggle, the hairs on her neck standing on end as a shiver run through her spine, her instincts sensing that she had to _run, run, run, run_.

 _He was a hunter, she was his prey._

"I was just wondering." Christian said, chuckling coolly, a headshake following as he couldn't stop pitying her. "I was just wondering if you will ever learn that people won't automatically love you more when you endure their disrespect. They will just take your submissive obedience for granted for as long as they are willing, and able to since you cost people a lot of patience, to endure your penetrant stench of desperation."

Watching Elena's eyes widen as she was shocked with his sudden mood swing, his harsh words cutting open a series of wounds she had tried to heal herself with a new layer of false dreams and hopes, lies she secretly told herself in the safety of her mind, her soul, watching her struggle to find something to say in return, not that he had expected her to counterattack, it was balm for his troubled soul.

She needed to be told all of this and nobody would ever be as honest as he was, he was doing her a favor by waking her up from the illusion she was living in, the illusion of a self she never would be, it wasn't too late now.

"I know, I know, life surely wasn't easy for you." Christian said with a tilted head, her silence appreciated since he doubted she had anything remotely interesting to say, her lips only good for one thing only. "I suspect you have an older sibling? Probably a sister since you don't seem to be comfortable around men which indicates that you either didn't have a lot in the family or you were just a social outsider in your adolescence which eventually lead to you being afraid of the opposite sex, but I remember your flirting with me on that unfortunate night we met, you were feigning confidence which ironically requires confidence, so I will stick to my first assumption and say that you probably have an older sister who was your biggest competition."

She was an open and easy book to read, nothing he would brag with since he had solved mysteries bigger than her, himself included, but for the moment, for the moment in which his phone buzzed in his pocket, teasing and taunting him with the memory what he had seen, what he had felt, for this moment it was more than enough to know that at least something wasn't out of control in his life.

"A big sister, yes, that sounds right. I assume she is either academically successful or career wise, always has been even which lead to your parents being immensely proud of her and which also lead to you having problems with following your sister's footsteps, but your parents had the same high expectation of you, so I assume they were disappointed when you weren't able to deliver. You being you, submissive as always and desperate for love and appreciation, you tried everything to please your parents, enduring their disrespect towards your person while unyieldingly trying to do everything exactly the way they wanted it, hoping that this way they would show you the respect you deserved, the love you needed, but I guess your parents had their own pile of problems to deal with, so they never truly gave you what you wanted. I hope for your sake that you have stopped trying to please them, I hope you aren't that desperate, but there is a truth about how we were raised, how we grew up. Our behaviors of the past, taught by our parents or learned by ourselves through human interactions or the lack of those, they stick like glue, they become traditions, traditions of our own mind which is why, Elena, you are desperately trying to please your partners even if they don't give a single fuck about you."

The people sitting closest to them had by now heard a few lines of Christian's harsh monologue, frowns sitting on their faces as they wondered why Elena wasn't slapping him left and right, the girl unable to move, her muscles frozen as his words were heating her insides up, anger slowly bubbling.

Slowly, calculated just like everything he did in his life, he reached for yet another nacho, the crunch loud and penetrating the silence in between them, his insides storming with the small victory he got, something he would be ashamed of later surely, but for now it was fucking bliss on earth.

"I mean, you are sitting here, letting me tell you that you are basically a textbook example of Daddy Issues. No wonder you let me fuck you like a cheap whore on the first night we met."

It happened so fast, she wasn't sure what was faster, the pace of the words leaving his mouth or the way her hand reached for her drink in a moment in which anger got the worst out of her, the pink of her drink now coloring his shirt and his face, the atmosphere around them growing silent as all eyes were on them.

"I guess I deserved that." Christian chuckled, trying to free his face of the sticky mess with a napkin, disgusted with the way how dirty his shirt looked now. "But remember, impulsive reactions are the outcome of facing the truth."

"You are an asshole." Elena whispered, disgusted with him and even more herself since she had allowed him to treat her like this, wondering if there was something alive, something human in his soul.

"We know how much you love those. Tab, please." He waved a nervous looking waiter over while Elena already got up, buttoning her jacket frantically as she felt how treacherous tears tried to squeeze their way out of her eyes, the last thing she needed was to cry in front of him. It was bad enough that he seemed unbothered with what happened, all eyes on them, the humiliation cutting deep into her already scarred ego, former cuts bleeding again, everything she had desperately tried to suffocate within herself coming back to live just because he had mentioned them, God knew how he had figured her out, it was too scary to be true.

She wanted to leave, make him pay for the shitty dinner they had as a pathetic excuse of revenge, unaware that he never would have let her pay anyway, being the sexist bastard that he was who thought of letting a woman pay for his meal as a disgrace, she didn't him to regret what had happened, she wanted to forgot, everyone to forget what had happened, hiding in the safety of her home to delete the memory of tonight.

It was funny how she had known that everything about him was too good to be true when they first met, even funnier how she ignored that suspicion because she had hoped for him to be true.

She was desperate and pathetic, running after things she knew that never would or could be what she wanted, yet still hoping to be loved, respected and appreciated, hoping to be worthy, just like she had done with her father for many years, never having the backbone to tell him to fuck off because he had been her father, the one person she loved most, wanting to be loved by him the same way, yet her accomplishments never enough for him to be proud of her. He should have loved her just because she was his daughter, no matter what job she had or how high her salary was, and, what was more important, she should have told him all of that, but she never had the nerve to do it because she had feared of losing him more that way.

She wasn't afraid of losing Christian Grey, though. He had never belonged to her, anyway.

It was Elena's time to bare teeth.

Resting her hands on the wet table between them, she prayed to any God there was as she stared into his eyes, surprise written on his face as he realized that she wasn't running away crying like he had expected her to do.

"You know what, Christian? You aren't as mysterious as you think." Elena pushed out through clenched teeth, watching him smile arrogantly.

"And you really think you have figured me out?" He asked with a pitiful head shake, curious in which way she would embarrass herself now.

"Oh, yes. You are just as human as the rest of us. We were having a good night, something you only pretended for whatever reasons that sick mind of you came up with, but you played your role good, I will give you that. Things were more than nice, we were talking and having fun, no matter how fake it was on your part, but you never slipped, you already proved that you have figured me out, so you told me whatever I wanted to hear. I don't know what your motives were and, to be honest, at this point they don't matter, anyway, but what matters is how your mood changed. It wasn't something I said because the point in which your mood seemed to be ruined was when you got that text, the one you claimed to be a prank, and I assume that phone call you said you had gotten from work when you were at the restrooms was also another tasteless prank which rained on your parade. Or wait, you are a professional, I remember you bragging about your performance at work, so I doubt that you would anything get out of control. Maybe it's your private life, maybe it's a woman. You came back to the table as a totally different man, obviously hurt with whatever you had heard or seen, and then, like any other mundane peasant which is how you seem to regard anyone else beside you, you were petty and low enough to take out your anger on me. You were hurt, so you tried to hurt me, too. That's quite... pathetic."

Christian only now noticed that the shade of her green eyes was venomous, a mixture of brown tones in them, too, making her stare look muddy, wondering how he had bared to look at her for more than ten seconds without the need to puke.

The cocky grin on her face was caused by his silence.

"You good-for-nothing piece of shit." He said slowly, the impassiveness of his expression hiding the storm inside him, the urge to grab her pale throat tightly, squeezing every wimpy breath right out of her as her eyes bugged, skin flushing, nails trying to scar his hands to free herself from his grip as he laughed, laughed at her desperation, her defenselessness, her end, as there was no mercy for the weak. _If you couldn't defend yourself, if you couldn't use your true potential, you didn't deserve mercy when those who could ravished you._

"Insults are impulsive reactions, too, right? I guess, I must have hit too close to home."

Home.

It was one of those things he had never fully understood.

Not that his family hadn't given him a warm place where he felt safe and confident, not that they hadn't given their best when he was at his worst, picking up the pieces someone had left behind of him and gluing him together piece by fucking piece, always patient and always supportive like fucking saints, a trait he certainly hadn't inherited but still appreciated, knowing that he wouldn't be who he was now without the support of his mother and father.

But was home really that? Love and support from people who naturally had to give you those things – which they always didn't, Elena being a good example of that -, who didn't expect anything in return, was that home?

For Christian, a man of logic, home was a place where he slept at nights and where he had a line of fresh shirts waiting for him to change into, the one he was wearing now carrying the memories of Elena's one-in-a-lifetime opportunity to be brave toward him out of all the people.

Naturally, their goodbye hadn't been pleasant, in fact she had made sure to call him an asshole yet another time before she strutted away with the remains of her pride kept safe and holy, from now on the most important thing in her life, thanks to the lesson Christian Grey had given her. He couldn't stop admiring himself for making the poor girl finally see the truth, she was weak as long as she let people treat her that way, and while he regretted asking her out now, at least he knew that they both had learned something important from tonight.

He now knew that even pretending to be interested in mundane human beings like Elena Lincoln was the most painful torture on earth. Well, second.

As he wandered through the busy streets of the city, skipping the luxury of getting a cab for a walk in the fresh night air instead, he wondered if he would ever have to endure anything like what had happened so many years ago when he had been wet behind the ears, unaware of the true power within himself and other people back then, falling for the first girl smiling at him, unaware that her smiles were deadly, unaware that he was falling in love with his killer and unaware that his love wasn't going to stop her from pulling the trigger.

She had taken, taken and taken whatever he had offered, merciless yet bewitching, all of his senses, his thoughts and his damned feelings bound to her, she was the magnet pulling him each and every time and he was an inanimate object, too empty to have a self and, what was worse, too willing to be bothered.

He had fallen, hard and fast, his life crumbling around him while he only had eyes for her, his one and only love, the woman who kept him going, everyone else worried about him, his parents trying to free him from her claws, but it had been fruitless, he had been far too deep, too far to realize that the one person he called his will to live was the one killing him.

Killing him with her self-destruction, with her selfishness, her intensity, her lack of social norms, pulling him deep into the pits of hell where she was swirling around the air like a toxic mist, invading his every pore without him able to defend himself as he took breath after breath of the deadly substance, a whirlpool of highs and downs keeping him confused as he searched for a way out, only to barricade himself more because leaving was not an option, unlike being left.

When she vanished, it felt like somebody unplugged his rusty wire to life, the one that she had made sure to damage at any given opportunity before she left, so when she was gone, it had only been more difficult to pull himself together, his addiction only then intensifying because the heart wanted what it couldn't get, that was the truth about humans.

His parents had put him back together, their support and love appreciated very much since he didn't have strength himself back then, but now, years after what he called his own hell, he had built a life for himself, a life in which he pulled all the strings, mastering the art of pretending enough to fool everyone around him and himself, a calm and controlled bliss which had no room for intruders like tonight's events.

The phone in his pocket was burning him through the fabrics of his jacket and his dirty shirt, begging for attention, begging to risk another look, to see the tasteless picture which had awakened so many ugly feelings inside him, feelings he had skillfully suppressed so far, but just like any other time she decided to come back and fuck him up, something she did over and over again just to mess with him maybe or maybe because she was as addicted as he was, who knew for sure with her, just like any of these times, he had let out the monster just because she had wanted him to do.

 _Christian hated Anastasia Steele for bringing out the worst in him, while loving her for being able to do that at all._

It was a tiresome push and pull, a game they played without knowing if they would ever win, ready to lose, yet too proud to lose, usually him being the one stepping back as soon as things got too intense, something she begrudgingly accepted, only to return months after with yet another destructive attack, this time it being her sucking another man's cock, knowing well that he would go insane with that knowledge, being the possessive bastard that he was.

She was his, his, and his only, for fuck's sake.

He wasn't surprised that she had known when exactly to send the picture, probably having hacked his iCloud a long time ago, reading all his messages and appointment entries, something that she could do with both eyes closed, her intelligence something he had always admired about her, it was no wonder that she had sent the pic, knowing well that he was sitting across another woman, something that had made her crawl up walls most definitely, her inner fire always breaking out when she was triggered. He had stopped protecting himself and his devices from her cyber-attacks a long time ago, in a way craving her interventions, but never confessing that to himself since it was yet another aspect of his life in which she took over control, emasculating him over and over again.

Christian was done with that, though. He had promised himself not to be pulled by her again, he would deal with his demons inside his head first before he could face the ones outside, the ones he couldn't tell to shut up or ignore because this particular demon, the one who had the power to kill him and bring him back to live at the same time, this one was persistent, annoying even, yet oh so welcome.

"Argggh!" He let out in the middle of the street, white shirt with red spots of Elena's drink, a flushed face with his veins pulsing in his neck, passerby's looking at him like he was crazy, their looks insulting, the suppressed cocktail of emotions set free in his voice.

 _You have control. You have control. You have control._

Fuck control!

His hands were shaking nervously as he picked up his phone, finding her latest texts, the insulting selfie deliberately ignored because he didn't need yet another punch into his core.

 **Do you miss me?**

 **\- A**

 **I miss your dick.**

 **\- A**

 **Do you like the picture?**

 **\- A**

 **Fuck me. Use me. Love me.**

 **\- A**

 **I'm prettier than her.**

 **\- A**

 **She can't suck your cock like I do anyway. Come to me.**

 **\- A**

 **I miss you. Don't you miss me?**

 **\- A**

 **I love you.**

 **\- A**

She was begging for it anyway, he told himself as he rushed home to change his clothes, not wanting to go to her with his clothes still smelling of Elena, one and only promise inside his head repeated over and over again, you will leave, you will leave, you will leave.

He could allow himself one night, one night only in which he could get his dose and leave before he took the golden shot, he would go on with life as if nothing had happened tomorrow morning, his mind free of whatever chaos Ana would try to feed him, the only thing he wanted to eat being her pussy, anyway.

Freshly dressed and sure of himself and his control, he made his way to where his heart was being pulled to, impatient and nervous, yet hungry for whatever she had to give him, one night free of restraints wasn't going to kill him, he would be his old self tomorrow morning, but tonight he was allowed to let go of whatever was holding him back, yes, yes, yes, that sounded reasonable.

He had her address memorized by heart, his stupid heart, and even though he knew what kind of shitty part of town she lived in, he couldn't stop frowning with disgust each time he sat a foot here. The area was buzzing with drug deals, mob wars and crimes, the penetrant smell of sweat never leaving the streets, his attire making him stick out like a sore thumb, even the taxi driver asking him twice if he was sure they were in the right neighborhood, an unnecessary concern since he knew how to protect himself from some poor schmuck daring to attack him, but not from his own heart.

The building was shabby, dark, brick walls with crooked windows, some of them broken, the lamp over the entrance buzzing as it showered the young man sitting on the front steps with its light, smoke swirling around the air as he took a drag of his joint. Christian grimaced as he smelled the obvious scent of weed, shaking his head.

He wondered how she could live in a place like this, under normal circumstances his body wouldn't even be found dead in a place like this, but his heart was a fool just as big as his mind, both fools ultimately making him drive to this part of the city.

His brows furrowed when he couldn't find her name on the intercom, cursing as he looked desperately.

"Do you have a dollar for me, man?" The young man, whom he had ignored until now just because he had no time to deal with anyone else than Ana right now, asked with his oily hair sticking to his face, his lips dry as he looked at Christian with glazed eyes.

"If you give me a dollar, I will help you find what you are looking for." He proposed eagerly when he noticed Christian's desperate tries to find the name he was looking for on the small rectangle pieces of plastic listed from top to bottom.

A sigh left Christian's lips as he fumed silently, cursing her for bringing him into this situation.

"Come on, mate. Just one dollar. Help a fella out." The young man insisted, holding out a hand as if he was expecting Christian to hand over some cash immediately.

Fed up with everything he had gone through tonight, Elena, Anastasia, himself and his damned emotions, especially those since they were unwelcome visitors in his otherwise calm and free mind and soul, fed up with the torture they were going through each and every time like two addicts falling for their drug of preference over and over again, Christian let his control slip away for one tiny moment.

With one hand tightly grabbing that poor excuse of human being's collar, he lifted him easily up, hardly pushing him against the wall of the building so that the poor schmuck hit his head against the tiled wall, not even grimacing mostly because he was too high to feel any kind of pain right now, yet looking frightened just before Christian's fist smashed against his face, again and again, blood streaming out of his nose, his cry weak as he suddenly found the energy to try to free himself, a fruitless thing to do since Christian wasn't letting go, not before he had gotten what he had wanted, the only thing bothering him about this situation being how blood was spotting his shirt.

He always forgot how good it felt to let go, just to let the monster free from deep inside him, but each time it was free, he also forgot how much better it was if said monster was locked up.

Regardless, he enjoyed every second of the now.

"Listen to me, you little shit." Christian chuckled, burning from inside out, feeling more alive than before, the idiot in his hands whimpering as he pressed his bruised face into the hard wall. "I sure as hell won't spend any of my precious dollars on your drug addiction. You know why? I work very hard to earn them, I doubt you know what that means, but let me tell you this, I have no intention of helping a fella out. Understand?"

The boy nod, afraid to speak out loud, the pain waving through his body.

"Good. Now tell me where Anastasia is. I know she lives here, but her name isn't on the intercom anymore." Christian asked, banging the boys head against the wall again, blood spluttering over the white of his shirt again when asshole had the nerve to cough.

"Do you mean Annie? Crazy Annie from 3B?" The boy mumbled, Christian's hands on his neck making it hard to breath. "She... she lives here, but the place is on her friend's name now."

When Christian let go off him, his body crashed against the floor like a pile of garbage, every spot of his face hurting thanks to the punches he had endured and, what was worse, he had lost his joint in the process.

Christian wasn't bothered about that asshole anymore, he had gotten what he had wanted, ringing the doorbell he always used, now carrying the name José Rodriguez on it, something he noted with a frown since he didn't particularly enjoy her living with a man, silently buzzed in. She was probably expecting him already, always so sure of herself, on her effect on him.

Christian's heart beat fast in his chest, something he hadn't felt in a really long time, the last time lying sometime in December shortly before Christmas, his palms sweaty with the new rush of emotions inside him as he slowly took the stairs leading him to the third floor, the elevator as always out of order, something his usual self noted with distaste, wondering if people never took care of their belongings, but now was not the time for that, he knew. He had something more important ahead of himself, his drug and dealer, his killer and reason to live, his Ana, Ana, Anastasia.

Just like he had expected, she was already waiting for him, her door wide open just like his mind for tonight, the breathless feeling she caused spreading inside him as he took his last steps toward her.

"Hey, baby." Ana squealed loudly, her eyes glistening with the madness hidden underneath them as a wide grin spread on her flushed cheeks, her excitement making her jump up and down. Her body was clad in what looked like one of his shirts, making him wonder when she had taken it without him noticing, the formerly expensive looking fabric now ripped at some parts and tainted with spots which made him grimace in disgust. Long legs were naked underneath, long enough for her to hook them around his hips as he fucked her hard, harder and harder as she begged him to fuck her, take her and kill her with the orgasms he gave her over and over again, her screams and pleas driving him mad, his hips bucking uncontrollably as his balls heaved, desperate to come, her desire fitting his, her kink completing his.

She was a vision, an endless fantasy, a dream you never wake up from, a beginning and an end at the same time as she gave you new air to breath just as much as she suffocated you, she was what you wanted to have but never wanted to be, you craved for her on the sleepless nights she caused while every nerve of your body buzzed and burned with every emotion and reaction she set ablaze, sometimes intentionally just because she loved to fuck with your mind.

She was a nightmare, something you couldn't escape even if you tried to, capturing your body and mind, making you a slave of herself, everything losing meaning as soon as you were wrapped in her silver cocoon of madness, your body numb, your mind clouded, robbing you off your self-control mercilessly.

"You fucking bitch." Christian snarled loudly, his hand slapping her cheek hardly as his body trembled with anger, his control too lost to give another fuck, her only reaction laughter as she stumbled backward inside her apartment. He closed the door behind them with a bang, watching her with squeezed eyes as he slowly took of his jacket, carefully placing it on a crooked chair which was one of the few furniture items she owned.

"I missed you, too, baby." Ana giggled, suddenly throwing herself against his body with her arms tight around his neck, her brown hair ticking his nose. It smelled fresh, her shampoo sweet and fruity. Christian grabbed her hair fiercely, making her yelp as he tugged at it, her blue eyes showing no fear as she looked at him with her head thrown back, her arms on her side now. He grimaced when he noticed the disobedience in her blue irises, his free hand reaching for her chin which he grasped tightly, her lips pouty, begging to be kissed, sucked, bitten and fucked. His cock ached to feel the softness of her skin, her mouth wet and tight around him as she slurped and gagged.

His brows furrowed as he remembered the distasteful selfie she had send him, the mouth he loved to fuck so much wrapped around another man's dick. Christian's fingernails dig into her skin as his eyes darkened with jealousy, a hiss leaving her mouth as she felt like he was going to rip open her flesh.

"Bleach." He whispered, impassive once again, making her raise one of her brows.

"Next time your lips touch another man's cock, I will wash out your mouth with bleach."

With flared nostrils and madness inside her blue irises, she dared to place her hand on his chest where his heart beat underneath.

"And the next time you go on a date with another woman, I will cut out your heart and keep it to myself in a pretty jar." Her voice was sardonic, her smile sweet as she looked up at him, her lashes long.

He snorted, amused by the way she thought she had any kind of power over him, not surprised that she knew about his date of tonight, having had that assumption since he had seen the tasteless selfie she had foolishly sent him. She was always watching.

"I have no heart."

"Want me to prove you wrong?" She asked, her finger digging into his chest in circular motions, her bottom lip captured between her teeth. "I bet I could claw it out with my bare hands and a pair of scissors."

She winced in pain when he scuffed her jaw with his fingernails, the pain pulsing through her veins to the very core of her body, even though she squinted her eyes at him.

She wondered if he would make her bleed tonight.

 _-To be continued-_

* * *

 **Woah. These two are intense.**

 **I was asked if this was a HEA story and I will tell you this that I will give my characters what I think they deserve, so be patient, but if you are like not able to bare the thought of not knowing, then hit me with a PM and I will answer your questions.**

 **Thanks for the love and patience, hopefully it won't take as long for next time. Only one more to go.**

 **Melii xoxo**

 **P.S.: If you want to find out what's next on my agenda, add me on Facebook '** Meli Littlebadhero **' and join my Facebook group called** Patience of a Saint.


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